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Kennedy's Disease Chat Transcript   04-07-12

Topic:  Dealing with Anger and Frustration

Host:  Mike Goynes

Guest:  Dr. Julie Bindeman

 

Bruce
Morning again
MikeG
Hi again
Bruce
Morning carofer
MikeG
I was going to look for the properties of the avatar like Jameson was talking about
carofer
good morning all
Bruce
Me too!  Good minds think alike ...
MikeG
How are things in CA today
carofer
very nice this morning -- a bit chilly but sunny
TedA
Kennedy's Disease Chat
Bruce
Morning Lou and TedA
MikeG
morning Lou!
MikeG
I wonder if we could plave our picture as the avatar?
TedA
Good norning from Richmond, VA
MikeG
hi Ted
Bruce
I believe I tried that one time but don't remember the results.
MikeG
I went sailing last weekend - had a blast!
TedA
Ch
MikeG
this morning we are honored to have Dr. Julie Bindeman as our guest.
TedA
Check out my new nonprofit web site, it is just starting and will grow    www.gosailing4all.org
MikeG
Dr. Julie Bindeman is a psychologist licensed in Maryland and with a degree from George Washington University. Her focus is on life transitions and dealing with the emotions that accompany them. She also has expertise in depression, anxiety, grief and loss.
loutudor
Goo morning everyone :)GGood Morning
MikeG
ok, I will thanks.
Bruce
Morning Paula
Paula
Hi, there.
Bruce
Is Dr. Bindeman on the chat?  I don't see her?
loutudor
Good Morning everyone...couldn't type in for a few minutes...
MikeG
not yet - she'll probably be here in a minute or two
loutudor
I have guests from Idaho enjoying our nice weather...
MikeG
WOW!
MikeG
Hi hy!!!
Bruce
Morning hy
MikeG
great to see you on!!!
hy
Hello
Paula
Is this Haiyun or Fengkui?
hy
Nice to see you
MikeG
is this your first time on a KDA chat Hy?
hy
Fengkui go to bed
hy
goes to bed
hy
Hello Mike, Hello Paula
MikeG
it's pretty late in China right now!
hy
Yes, this is my first time to here
hy
yes, it is 10:30 pm
Bruce
Morning rmof and dant99
rmof
Morning Bruce, my name is Ron
dant99
G;morning all
MikeG
I'm going to check on Julie - BRB
Bruce
Hey Ron, where is Lombard, IL?
Bruce
Morning Gary
Gary_KC
Connection reset by peer
rmof
It is close to where I live about 20 minutes sw of Chicago
loutudor
Let's all type in where we're calling from......I'm in Stuart, Florida
MikeG
morning Jameson
Bruce
Morning Jameson
CTjameson
morning all from Connecticut
Bruce
Ringgold, Georgia
rmof
Buffalo Grove, Il - 20 minutes NW of Chicago
carofer
santa cruz county, california
dant99
'Fort Myers, FL
MikeG
Mike & Paula from Sun City Center, FL
Bruce
Morning Gloria
Paula
And Hy is from Bejing, China!
TedA
Richmond, VA
loutudor
What did we ever do w/o computers!! :)
MikeG
:)
CTjameson
Bejing!  Wow... what time is it there?
MikeG
Dr Julie is getting to her computer - she had a rough night with a child last night
Gloria Kalkowski
Good Morning
TedA
And Day in China
loutudor
Hey Gloria:)
CTjameson
hi Gloria
MikeG
they're 12 hrs ahead of us Jameson
CTjameson
thats past my bed time...
MikeG
morning Gary
CTjameson
hello Gary
Bruce
Mornig elvspretzl
Gary_KC
Good moring. This is Gary joining in from near Kansas City.
CTjameson
hey elvs!
MikeG
morning elvspretzl
loutudor
Hey Gary :)
Gary_KC
Hi Mike, CT, Bruce!
MikeG
hi Stan
CTjameson
hi Stan
drbindeman
Hi All.
drbindeman
Sorry for the delay.
Bruce
Morning Dr. Bindeman
Stan
Hi everyone
MikeG
good morning Dr Bindeman
elvspretzl
Good Morning, all
loutudor
Great crowd this morning!!
Bruce
Morning Billeric and TomK
Bruce
Mornig David
elvspretzl
Wow. A lot of people.
drbindeman
It seems like a lot of you know one another. That's great!
David
Good Morning All
MikeG
Once again:  Dr. Julie Bindeman is a psychologist licensed in Maryland and with a degree from George Washington University. Her focus is on life transitions and dealing with the emotions that accompany them. She also has expertise in depression, anxiety, grief and loss.
drbindeman
Thanks for the introduction, Mike.
Bruce
Dr. Bindeman, we appreciate you joining us this morning.
drbindeman
I'm really happy to be here.
Bruce
Anger and frustrations is something I hear about from fellow KD'rs many times a month and also experience it myself ... especially as I further progress.
MikeG
We all have some loss of motor function that causes us anguish and would like to know how to cope with it.
MikeG
I used to be able to do just about everything but now I'm doing well to use a screwdriver...
drbindeman
I wish that I had magic words or actions that could take away both the actual symptoms as well as the emotions that go with it. What I can help with are some coping techniques that might help the day to day or moment by moment.
MikeG
morning Tom
TomK
Good morning
elvspretzl
I still buy tools hoping I'll be able to continue to use them.
MikeG
that would be wonderful
CTjameson
lol.... me too!
drbindeman
It can be common with loss to dwell on what had been rather than to try to be in the moment.
Bruce
I am not certain about others, but frustrations are what occur because of an inability to accomplish something that I could do before and now I have to look to others for help.
MikeG
me too - I have a garage full of stuff I'll probable never use
drbindeman
So I would love to share ideas on how to be present in the moment, and prevent your minds from thinking about those things that you had been able to do.
Paula
and can't bear to part with!!
elvspretzl
Tough to ask for help, but getting better at it.
Bruce
Love it!!!
drbindeman
Asking for help is a great strategy, but certainly not an easy one!
rmof
Sounds good Coping tools are what I need Doc
elvspretzl
Yes.
drbindeman
Is everyone able to grab an object that might be around?
drbindeman
It can be anything--a rock, piece of food, a screwdriver. :0)
TomK
YES
elvspretzl
Yes.
billeric
ok
Bruce
Yup
Gloria Kalkowski
yes
drbindeman
Pick up your object. In order to be in the present, it's important to activate our senses--all of them!
dant99
ok
carofer
yes here
CTjameson
ok
drbindeman
I'll need a little bit of leeway on this one, as I'm sure that depending on what your objects are, many of you won't want to necessarily taste them. :)
MikeG
no
TedA
a pen
drbindeman
We tend to use our senses of sight and touch most frequently, so I want to hold off on those two until the end.
TomK
Good cup of joe
drbindeman
We will start off with sound...
drbindeman
For those that have food or beverages, close your eyes and think about the sounds used to make them. For those with other objects, tap them on your hands, furniture around you, etc.
drbindeman
Listen to the sounds that it makes and how those sounds differ depending on what it was tapped on.
TedA
click the pen
drbindeman
For the coffee drinker, you can also listen to the sound of the liquid swishing in the mug
drbindeman
Perfect, TEdA
drbindeman
I'll give you all a little bit to do that.
MikeG
great
drbindeman
When you are ready, what was that like?
elvspretzl
Should our eyes be closed ... ?
drbindeman
They can be.
Bruce
Different sounds depending upon what I hit or tapped.
TedA
focus on the pen and not other things
MikeG
but it's hard to read that way... :)
drbindeman
Excellent!
TomK
I slurp my coffee
drbindeman
That's a great sound, TomK.
loutudor
My bottle of water is now a stream...  :)
drbindeman
Yes, Mike, that's why some leeway is also needed. It's a whole different experience to do this face-to-face, so I hope you all can bear with me. :)
elvspretzl
@ Mike ... Lol
drbindeman
ALright, let's move onto the next sense.
Bruce
No problem ... we are use to chatting.
MikeG
this is great - very different from our usual chat
drbindeman
Let's try smell. Those of you with food/drinks are in luck with this one. :)
drbindeman
TomK, it might be weird to smell your pen, but perhaps you (and others that might have an object not really smell-worthy) can imagine smells that might accompany that object...an example, a place you might be to use the pen...
Bruce
Not really a smell for my object ... neutral.  I should have picked a better object.:p
TomK
Saturday Omleet my saturday tradition  one that i can still make MYSELF
loutudor
Fortunately, my water has no odor...
elvspretzl
My object's a 3-hole punch.  Not much smell here, either.
drbindeman
Bruce, there will be some objects where using certain senses is more challenging. For these, try to let your imagination take you to a time/place/location where you can associate the sense.
elvspretzl
;
Bruce
Got it!
drbindeman
Smells can bring up feelings and memories, so let yourself be open to those experiences right now as well.
drbindeman
Just a little bit more with our sense of smell, and then we'll get to the next sense.
TedA
like being in outdoors in nature
CTjameson
my object is a camera and I am thinking about the smells  associated with a film processing lab... brings back good memories
drbindeman
Great, TedA
drbindeman
Awesome, CTjameson!
TomK
The OMLETTE gives me asense of accomplishment!
drbindeman
Excellent, TomK
drbindeman
You guys are all doing great with this!
Bruce
Mine is a TV remote and I smell popcorn!
carofer
my hairbrush reminds me of the smell of freshly washed hair
drbindeman
Ready for the next one? I think those of you with water, omlettes, or coffee, will really like the next sensory experience.
CTjameson
i think my physical loss makes me more open to experience an exercise like this
drbindeman
When you are ready,we will move onto taste. Again, this one might be challenging for some--I'm not sure I'd want to taste a pen or hole punch.
drbindeman
:)
TomK
READY
Bruce
Shucks!  I knew I should have picked up the Milkbone dog biscuit instead of the remote.
drbindeman
But again, allow yourselves to associate--food in an office? Or whatever comes to your mind.
drbindeman
I'm so glad that this is enjoyable...
Bruce
I can taste the extra butter on the popcorn
drbindeman
:)
MikeG
I picked a bottle of artificial tears... :(
drbindeman
So Mike, what might actual tears taste like?
loutudor
I'm on a diet and my water tastes of success!
TedA
Laughter realy is the best medicine.
billeric
the smell of coffe being roasted
MikeG
salty
MikeG
beach
TomK
My Salmon/Cheese Omlette DRIVES The Wife NUTs  She hates FISH
drbindeman
Exactly.
elvspretzl
Not a lot of flavor to the 3-hole punch.
drbindeman
These are great associations. Anyone else what to share what either their object tastes like or what associations are made?
CTjameson
I substituted a bannana for my camera
drbindeman
Elvspretzl, hang in there, the last two will be easier.
Bruce
Holding hands with my wife in the movie theature sharing a popcorn
drbindeman
Excellent!
CTjameson
There are flavors here that I never really paid much attention to or noticed before
drbindeman
We tend to not notice a lot of information that we take in with our senses.
CTjameson
bannana has a complex and very unique taste
drbindeman
Let me know when people are ready for the next sense.
Bruce
Ready ...
elvspretzl
I'm ready.
MikeG
ok
TomK
GO
drbindeman
OK, let's move onto the sense of sight. Really LOOK at your object. What colors do you see? Can you notice textures? What shapes are present?
drbindeman
Try to study your object, as if you've never seen it before.
Bruce
That is interesting because I never really look at the remote any more.  Everything is kind of automatic.  Good exercise!
TomK
Large STINLESS Steel NO spill Coffee MUG..
elvspretzl
I think Tom's already finished his omlette, though.
Paula
My pen says it was stolen from a local restaurant!!
drbindeman
Is there a sheen to it, TomK?
drbindeman
Any scratches? On the pen, any cracks or the letters rubbed off?
TomK
Glossy Steel SHEEN
CTjameson
There are rainbow reflections in the glass lense of my camera
Bruce
Circles, ovals, squares, red, gray black white yellow green
drbindeman
Hopefully, you are all noticing things to these everyday objects that you hadn't before.
CTjameson
and thought the printed labels on the camera are all white, they have different shades.
MikeG
bubbles in the tears, interesting bottle shape - looks like a teardrop...
David
The various shades of color and grain in my cherry desk top lead to thinking of cherry blossom time and the beauty of spring
drbindeman
I love how David was also including associations that he has to his object.
drbindeman
Feel free to let your minds wander...
Gary_KC
Sunrise, golld and yeallow, I feel a new day is starting.
elvspretzl
My 3-hole punch has chew marks on it from the tasting exercise.
CTjameson
lol
carofer
i am happy i still need a hairbrush -- many friends don't
TomK
DAVID Uncle AL would be Proud Cherry Blossoms
drbindeman
When everyone is ready, let me know and we'll proceed to the last sense.
loutudor
Ready...
Bruce
My remote has many of the colors of nature ... earthtones, etc.  ready
MikeG
ok
TomK
GO
drbindeman
By our powers of deduction, I'm sure you all know that the last sense is touch.
drbindeman
:)
elvspretzl
Made in China !?
elvspretzl
Okay, ready for the next sense.
David
OK cousin Tom you will need to help me know more about Uncle Al
TomK
OK
drbindeman
FOr this, if you can, close your eyes, and let your hands experience your object. Feel for temperature, texture, shape, etc. And also, feel free to let your minds wander to anything that you might associate while you are touching yoru objects.
TomK
The Warmth of the coffee MUG...Quiet WARMTH reassuring
loutudor
My water bottle feels scrunchy as I drink the water from it...
drbindeman
Feel for ridges, edges, etc.
drbindeman
See if from your hands, you can conjure up a picture in your minds.
loutudor
Theres an indentation on the bottle for my hand to hold it...
TomK
Rough Cut edges tell me I am near the top of themug
drbindeman
Loutudor, it seems like you are noticing the bottle's "nuances". :)
David
smooth surface then hard edges and knobs   kind of like the various experiences in each day, or in some cases each hour
drbindeman
Yes.
Bruce
My remote has a comfortable feeling ... fits the hand well.  It is cool, but not cold.  Comfortable ... erognomic ... I noticed that several of the keys are tectured so that you can distinquish it from another next to it.
loutudor
Yes, and the indentation tells me my waist is getting smaller  because I drink water...  :)
drbindeman
Great job!
carofer
bristles bring pain - wood smooths it away
elvspretzl
Well, this is a very sturdy hole punch. Thinking about its use and detail of manufacturing.
MikeG
bottle is cool - reminds me of what Bethesda will be like tomorrow... :(
Bruce
Next time I am picking up a Subway sandwich.
drbindeman
When everyone is ready, I would love feedback as to what using all 5 sense was like. Not necessarily specific things from each sense, but the overall exercise.
MikeG
or a beer!
drbindeman
If you all really want a challenge, try this with a single Hershey's Kiss.
Bruce
Our focus changes from one thing to something very specific.
drbindeman
The idea is to NOT bite down on it. Use all 5 sense as you unwrap it, and then again once it's in your mouth.
MikeG
reality vs imagination
loutudor
Slow down...enjoy life's little moments...
TomK
We take these SENSES for Granted.
CTjameson
I am realizing the opportunities available for experiencing everyday life.  I can't get over the taste of that bannana, I so appreciate it!
drbindeman
You all are awesome! Absolutely.
drbindeman
We all have limitations, and it's easy to get down in them. When we do so, then we fail to see our opportunities.
loutudor
Appreciate what we have...not what is lost...
elvspretzl
Gratitude for what I have in the present.
MikeG
right Lou!
drbindeman
One of the reasons I like to teach this to my clients is that you can do it whenever with whatever you have handy.
drbindeman
If you are outside, pick up a rock.
Bruce
I can use this to help make my writing more real.
drbindeman
There are lots of ways to take this with you.:)
Bruce
I have a piece of slate that I am feeling for the first time
drbindeman
I imagine that you will experience it really differently than ever before, Bruce
elvspretzl
I need to slip out early.  Hope you ALL have a great day, and Easter if you recognize the holiday.  Thank you Dr. Binderman.
Bruce
Yup, I just took it for granted before, now it is truly unique.
drbindeman
Thanks for joining us, Elvspretzl.
MikeG
have a great day Elvspretzl
elvspretzl
Connection reset by peer
David
This has been a great reminder to truely live in the moment and enjoy the pleasures of life, thnaks.
Bruce
I like how the different senses bring different thoughts to mind and allows the imagination to wander in different directions.
drbindeman
It is so easy to stop being mindful and present. The absence of these two things tends to be our default.
Bruce
I'll date myself to a great book I read many years ago.  BE HERE NOW
TedA
Mostly this brings me to the present rather then thinking about the past or what I can not do that I use to do
drbindeman
I'm glad that I could offer something useful to you all. What ways do you think you can remind yourself of what we did this morning?
TomK
A perfect reflection of Humans and EASTER Season
MikeG
this has been a first for me during a chat.  We really appreciate you enlightening us, Dr. Bindeman.
loutudor
This is a great exercise to help get out of a ?Funk"...
drbindeman
Using moods as a cue is a great way to remember this!
Bruce
For example?
billeric
Thanks Doic, bye guys
drbindeman
So Loutudor mentioned using this tool to help get him out of a funk. When the "funk" sets in, that is one cue to remember to try to be present.
MikeG
Every time we start to feel disappointed that we can't do something we should look at things we still CAN do!
TomK
I appreciate the exercise "Great Reflectons"  Got go get the Scooter...THANKS
hy
Thanks a lot.
MikeG
have a good one Tom!
MikeG
Thanks for a wonderful chat experience!  This has been a real eye-opener to me!
drbindeman
Bye, Tom.
Bruce
Don't think about should, could, etc. and be thankful for what we still have
drbindeman
I'm so glad. Is there anything else in the remaining time that I might be helpful with?
drbindeman
So Bruce, using the words, "should/could/would" as a cue to try to do this mindfulness exercise.
loutudor
As a wife and mother, how do I help others in a funk?...
Bruce
Yes, that is what I meant ...
drbindeman
Is this something that you could teach to those that you nurture?
loutudor
Yes...if they are willing....
drbindeman
That second piece seems out of your control.
Bruce
Focus on the here and the now versus getting frustrated because I use to be able to do something.
drbindeman
Exactly--rather than look at what you "used to do" observe and note what you "are able to do."
MikeG
be POSITIVE!
Bruce
One common concern I hear from so many KD'rs is fear of what the future will bring as the disease progresses.  Any thoughts about working with that?
TedA
I am not Disabled, I am Differently ableded
MikeG
lol
Bruce
I like that TedA
Paula
I read a quote from Michael J. Fox, "If you worry about something bad happening and then it really does happen, you've suffered through it twice.."
drbindeman
I think this is an excellent point and a valid concern. I think I have to also stick with what people are coming up with this morning, which is to focus on the here and now. We have little control over our past or our future, but we are able to do something with the present, whether we choose to embrace it or let it pass us by.
Bruce
Good quote!
drbindeman
That's a great quote!
drbindeman
I know that with the clients that I work with, it is so easy to get stuck inside yourself and to feel sorry for your own suffering. It's hard to remember that every human has their own kind of suffering.
drbindeman
Some of it might be more visible.
MikeG
right
loutudor
There is always someone in a worse situation than me...
drbindeman
Yes.
Bruce
I keep on telling my wife that I am the only perfect one in our family ...
MikeG
:)
CTjameson
this philosophy of life brings to mind the serenity prayer...
Bruce
Yes
drbindeman
It is similar.
CTjameson
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
loutudor
Hangs in my office...
drbindeman
IT's a great reminder too. Thanks for psoting it, CTJameson
Bruce
I also read once that if you spend your day worrying about tomorrow, you will not live today
drbindeman
Someone earlier talked about laughter being the best medicine. This is also such a truism. What makes you laugh? When you are in a funk, seek out the funny.
loutudor
Today is the tomorrow I worried about yesterday...
drbindeman
")
drbindeman
:0
Bruce
Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstien
drbindeman
:)
drbindeman
My keyboard didn't seem to want to co-operate.
MikeG
I'm so glad that Kathy knew you - she has become a very important resource to us.  Thanks again for taking the time to join us this morning.  I hope you can get some rest tonight... :)
Bruce
We all know about keyboards not wanting to cooperate.
CTjameson
I sometimes makefun of myself with my wife.   We laugh together about my stumbles or crooked smile. :-
loutudor
Keep a library of funny movies...
MikeG
that you so much for a wonderful chat!
Bruce
You have been great.  Thanks
CTjameson
Yes, I will engage my other senses more often!
drbindeman
Thanks for having me!!!
rmof
Thnx Doc - great insight today. Be well everyone. Ron
CTjameson
Thank you Dr.
drbindeman
I hope that everyone has a wonderful holiday and a lovely day.
TedA
dislexic (sp)  fingers like mine Dr!
Bruce
You too!
loutudor
TYVM!!
carofer
thank you dr bindeman. it's another arrow in our quivers
drbindeman
Tools are important for all of us!
Gary_KC
Thank you very much for your time this morning. Dr. Binderman.
Paula
Thank you, Dr.
TedA
Thank you very much Dr Binderman
Gloria Kalkowski
Thank you for the insight
loutudor
Goodbye and let's keep up these chat agendas! :)
MikeG
I hope everyone has a wonderful day today - or night as is the case in China...
drbindeman
Here's my email address in case anyone wants to contact me offline: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Bruce
Thank you
MikeG

drbindeman
Bye everyone!
Bruce
Mike, thanks again
carofer
see you next time
David
Thanks for a great chat Mike, bye
CTjameson
bye all!
Paula
Hy, I'm so glad you were here.  Send me an email when you get a chance.